# Trudnoća i porod > Porod >  mašin det gous "pinnnnngggg"!

## mamma Juanita

Neki dan je bio na tv film "Smisao života Monthya Pythona" , 1983., redatelj Terry Gillian. 
Mukica je našla link http://www.mwscomp.com/python.html
 sa stenogramom skeča o modernom porodu.
Mada stariji od 20 godina, na žalost je i dalje vrlo aktualan.

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## mamma Juanita

ANNOUNCER: 
Part One: The Miracle of Birth. 

[clunk] 
[clunk] 
[clunk] 
[clunk] 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
One thousand and eight! 
NURSE #1: 
Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, doctor! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Good. Take her into the Foetus Frightening Room. 
NURSE #1: 
Right. 
[exciting music] 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Thum, thummm, thummm, thum, thummmm, thummmmmm. Thum, thummm. Thummm. Jolly good. 
[music stops] 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Bumm, bumm, bumm, bumm, bum-- 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
So, it's a bit bare in here today, isn't it? 

DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Yes. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Yes. More apparatus, please, nurse: the E.E.G., the B.P. monitor, and the A.V.V. 
NURSE #1: 
Yes. Certainly, Doctor. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
And, uh, get the machine that goes 'ping'. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
And get the most expensive machines, in case the administrator comes. 
[clunk] 
[exciting music] 
That's it. Bring in the other machines. Right over here. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
[whistling] 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
That's it. Just behind me. 
[music stops] 
Lovely. Lovely. Jolly good. That's better. That's much, much better. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Yeahhh, that's more like it. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Eehhh. Still something missing, though. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Hm? 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Hmmm. Mmmmm. 
[snap] 
OBSTETRICIAN and DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Patient! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Yes. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Where's the patient? 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Anyone seen the patient? 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Patient? 
NURSE #1: 
Aah! Here she is. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Bring it over here. 
[clank] 
Mind the machines! 
NURSE #1: 
Sorry, Doctor Spenser. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Come along! 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Come along. 
NURSE #1: 
Jump up there. Up! 
MRS. MOORE: 
Ehh. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Hallo. Now, don't you worry. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
We'll soon have you cured. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Leave it all to us. You'll never know what hit you. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Good-bye! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Good-bye. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Drips up! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Injections! 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Can I put the tube in the baby's head? 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Only if I can do the epesiotomy. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Okay. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Okay. Uh, legs up! Doctor, come in. Come on in, all of you. That's it. Jolly good. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Come along. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Come along. Spread 'round there. Uh, who are you? 
MR. MOORE: 
I'm the husband. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
I'm sorry. Only people involved are allowed in here. All right. 
MRS. MOORE: 
What do I do? 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Mhm. Yes? 
MRS. MOORE: 
What do I do? 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Nothing, dear. You're not qualified! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Leave it to us! 
MRS. MOORE: 
What's that for? 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
That's the machine that goes 'ping'. 
[ping] 
You see? That means your baby is still alive! 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
And that's the most expensive machine in the whole hospital! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Yes, it cost over three quarters of a million pounds. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Aren't you lucky?! 
NURSE #2: 
The administrator is here, doctor. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Switch everything on! 
[exciting music] 
[ping] 
MR. PYCROFT: 
Morning, gentlemen. 
RANDOM: 
Morning. 
MR. PYCROFT: 
Morning, gentlemen. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Morning! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Morning, Mr. Pycroft. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Morning, Mr. Pycroft. 
MR. PYCROFT: 
Oh, very impressive. Very impressive. And what are you doing this morning? 
[music stops] 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
It's a birth. 
MR. PYCROFT: 
Aahh. What sort of thing is that? 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Well, that's when we take a new baby out of a lady's tummy. 
MR. PYCROFT: 
Wonderful what we can do nowadays. 

[ping] 
Aah! I see you have the machine that goes 'ping'. This is my favourite. You see, we lease this back from the company we sold it to, and that way, it comes under the monthly current budget and not the capital account. 
[applause] 
Thank you. Thank you. We try to do our best. Well, do carry on. 
NURSE #1: 
Ooh, the vulva's dilating, doctor. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Oh, yes, there's the head. Yes, four centimetres. Five-- Six centimetres. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Lights! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Amplify the 'ping' machine. 
[ping] 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Masks up! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Suction! 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Eyes down for a full house! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Here it comes! 
BABY: 
[crying] 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
And... frighten it! Thank you. 
[whock] 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
And the rough towels! 

OBSTETRICIAN: 
Show it to the mother. That's enough. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Right! Sedate her! 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Number the child. 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Measure it, blood type it, and isolate it! 
[whump] 
NURSE #1: 
Okay. 
[clap clap] 
Show's over. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Jolly good. 
RANDOM: 
[mumbling] ...everyone. 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Jolly good. 
MRS. MOORE: 
Is it a boy or a girl? 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Now, I think it's a little early to start imposing roles on it, don't you? Now, a word of advice. You may find that you suffer for some time a totally irrational feeling of depression: 'P.N.D.', as we doctors call it. So, it's lots of happy pills for you, and you can find out all about the birth when you get home. It's available on Betamax, VHS, and Super Eight. 
[ping] 



i još malo...  

*Citat: 
The Miracle of Birth: Part 2: The Third World* 
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

ANNOUNCER: 
The Miracle of Birth: Part Two: The Third World. 

[sombre music] 
[bark bark bark bark bark bark] 
[quack quack] 
[quack quack quack quack quack quack] 

DAD: 
Oh, bloody hell. 
[quack quack quack] 

[fwump] 
BABY: 
[crying] 
MUM: 
Ohh, get that, would you, Deirdre? 
DIERDRE: 
All right, Mum. 
BABY: 
[crying] 

[bark bark bark bark bark bark bark] 

CHILDREN: 
[talking] 
MUM: 
Now, whose teatime is it? 
CHILDREN: 
Mine! 
MUM: 
Come on, now. Out you go. Now, uh, Vincent, Tessa, Valerie, Janine, Martha, Andrew, Thomas, Walter, Pat, Linda, Michael, Evadne, Alice, Dominique, and Sasha, it's your bedtime. 
CHILDREN: 
Aww, Mum! 
MUM: 
Now, don't argue! 

Laura, Alfred, Nigel, Annie, Simon, Amanda,-- 
DAD: 
Wait! I've got something to tell the whole family. 
MUM: 
Oh, quick. Go and get the others in, Gordon. 
CHILDREN: 
What could it be? Shhh... 
DAD: 
The mill's closed! There's no more work. We're destitute. 
CHILDREN: 
[talking] 
DAD: 
Come in, my little loves. I've got no option but to sell you all for scientific experiments. 
CHILDREN: 
[whining] 
DAD: 
No, no. That's the way it is, my loves. Blame the Catholic church for not letting me wear one of those little rubber things. Oh, they've done some wonderful things in their time. They preserved the might and majesty, the mystery of the Church of Rome, and the sanctity of the sacraments, the indivisible oneness of the Trinity, but if they'd let me wear one of those little rubber things on the end of my cock, we wouldn't be in the mess we are now. 
BOY: 
Couldn't Mummy have worn some sort of pessary? 
DAD: 
Not if we're going to remain members of the fastest growing religion in the world, my boy. 
MUM: 
Ehhh, he's right. 
DAD: 
You see, we believe-- 
[piano music] 
Well, let me put it like this. [singing] 
There are Jews in the world. 
There are Buddhists. 
There are Hindus and Mormons, and then 
There are those that follow Mohammed, but 
I've never been one of them. 

[music] 
I'm a Roman Catholic, 
And have been since before I was born, 
And the one thing they say about Catholics is: 
They'll take you as soon as you're warm. 

You don't have to be a six-footer. 
You don't have to have a great brain. 
You don't have to have any clothes on. You're 
A Catholic the moment Dad came, 

Because 

Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 
If a sperm is wasted, 
God gets quite irate. 

CHILDREN: [singing] 
Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 
If a sperm is wasted, 
God gets quite irate. 

GIRL: [singing] 
Let the heathen spill theirs 
On the dusty ground. 
God shall make them pay for 
Each sperm that can't be found. 

CHILDREN: [singing] 
Every sperm is wanted. 
Every sperm is good. 
Every sperm is needed 
In your neighbourhood. 

MUM: [singing] 
Hindu, Taoist, Mormon, 
Spill theirs just anywhere, 
But God loves those who treat their 
Semen with more care. 

MEN: [singing] 
Every sperm is sacred. 
[clunk] 
Every sperm is great. 
WOMEN: [singing] 
If a sperm is wasted,... 

CHILDREN: [singing] 
...God gets quite irate. 

PRIEST: [singing] 
Every sperm is sacred. 
BRIDE and GROOM: [singing] 
Every sperm is good. 
NANNIES: [singing] 
Every sperm is needed... 
CARDINALS: [singing] 
...In your neighbourhood! 

CHILDREN: [singing] 
Every sperm is useful. 

Every sperm is fine. 
FUNERAL CORTEGE: [singing] 
God needs everybody's. 
MOURNER #1: 
Mine! 
MOURNER #2: 
And mine! 
CORPSE: 
And mine! 

NUN: [singing] 
Let the Pagan spill theirs 
O'er mountain, hill, and plain. 
HOLY STATUES: [singing] 
God shall strike them down for 
Each sperm that's spilt in vain. 


EVERYONE: [singing] 
Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is good. 
Every sperm is needed 
In your neighbourhood. 

Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 
If a sperm is wasted, 
God gets quite iraaaaate! 


DAD: 
So, you see my problem, little ones: I can't keep you all here any longer. 
GIRL: 
Speak up! 
DAD: 
I can't keep you all here any longer! God has blessed us so much, I can't afford to feed you anymore. 
NIGEL: 
Couldn't you have your balls cut off? 
DAD: 
Hohh, it's not as simple as that, Nigel. God knows all! He'd see through such a cheap trick. What we do to ourselves, we do to Him. 
GIRL: 
You could have had them pulled off in an accident. 
CHILDREN: 
[talking] 
DAD: 
No. No, children. I know you're trying to help, but, believe me,... 
CHILDREN: 
Ohh... 
DAD: 
...me mind's made up. I've given this long and careful thought, and it has to be medical experiments for the lot of you. 
CHILDREN: 
Ohh. Oh. Oh... 

CHILDREN: [singing mournfully] 
Every sperm is sacred. 
Every sperm is great. 
If a sperm is wasted,... 
MR. HARRY BLACKITT: 
Look at them, bloody Catholics, filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
What are we dear? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
Protestant, and fiercely proud of it. 

MRS. BLACKITT: 
Hmm. Well, why do they have so many children? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
Because... every time they have sexual intercourse, they have to have a baby. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
But it's the same with us, Harry. 
MR. BLACKITT: 
What do you mean? 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
Well, I mean, we've got two children, and we've had sexual intercourse twice. 
MR. BLACKITT: 
That's not the point. We could have it any time we wanted. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
Really? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
Oh, yes, and, what's more, because we don't believe in all that Papist claptrap, we can take precautions. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
What, you mean... lock the door? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
No, no. I mean, because we are members of the Protestant Reformed Church, which successfully challenged the autocratic power of the Papacy in the mid-sixteenth century, we can wear little rubber devices to prevent issue. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
What d'you mean? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
I could, if I wanted, have sexual intercourse with you,... 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
Oh, yes, Harry. 
MR. BLACKITT: 
...and, by wearing a rubber sheath over my old feller, I could insure... that, when I came off, you would not be impregnated. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
Ooh! 
MR. BLACKITT: 
That's what being a Protestant's all about. That's why it's the church for me. That's why it's the church for anyone who respects the individual and the individual's right to decide for him or herself. When Martin Luther nailed his protest up to the church door in fifteen-seventeen, he may not have realised the full significance of what he was doing, but four hundred years later, thanks to him, my dear, I can wear whatever I want on my John Thomas,... [sniff] ...and, Protestantism doesn't stop at the simple condom! Oh, no! I can wear French Ticklers if I want. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
You what? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
French Ticklers. Black Mambos. Crocodile Ribs. Sheaths that are designed not only to protect, but also to enhance the stimulation of sexual congress. 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
Have you got one? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
Have I got one? Uh, well, no, but I can go down the road any time I want and walk into Harry's and hold my head up high and say in a loud, steady voice, 'Harry, I want you to sell me a condom. In fact, today, I think I'll have a French Tickler, for I am a Protestant.' 
MRS. BLACKITT: 
Well, why don't you? 
MR. BLACKITT: 
But they-- Well, they cannot, 'cause their church never made the great leap out of the Middle Ages and the domination of alien episcopal supremacy. 
NARRATOR #1: 
But, despite the attempts of Protestants to promote the idea of sex for pleasure, children continued to multiply everywhere.

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## Felix

part two bas i nema veze s porodom, vise sa crkvom i kontracepcijom   :Wink:  (porod zavrsava onim 'thump' i placem bebe)

ali prvi dio je mraaaaak!

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## Lilly

MRS. MOORE: 
What do I do? 
DOCTOR SPENSER: 
Nothing, dear. *You're not qualified!* 
OBSTETRICIAN: 
Leave it to us! 


 :Idea:

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## mamma Juanita

> part two bas i nema veze s porodom, vise sa crkvom i kontracepcijom   (porod zavrsava onim 'thump' i placem bebe)
> 
> ali prvi dio je mraaaaak!


ma da, skužila sam nakon što sa već prekopirala.

Lilly, nemoj se puno čudit,  nije  takvo razmišljanje daleko od istine, pogotovo tu kod nas...

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## Lilly

niti sekunde se ne cudim

samo izdvajam



btw, nije samo tu.

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## mamma Juanita

Nije, ali je ovdje još malo jače izraženo nego negdje drugdje  :Wink:  .

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## ~lex~

> NURSE #1: 
> Mrs. Moore's contractions are more frequent, doctor! 
> OBSTETRICIAN: 
> Good. Take her into the *Foetus Frightening Room*.


Tako istinito...  :Evil or Very Mad:

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## kasiopeja

kad sam vidjela naslov topica baš sam se nasmijala, jer,kad je MM ušao u rađaonu ( a mene već krešu fini trudovi), i vidio ctg aparat tak je ponosno rekao: a gle, imaju i litl mašin det gous piiing.. . 
O, da, i odma nam je bilo lakše..  :Grin:

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## Felix

:Laughing:   :Laughing:

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## ms. ivy

gledali smo film (po ne znam koji put) i nasmijali se do suza, iako naravno i nije smiješno...

prije mi je priča o spermićima bila najdraža, kad mama veli "pozovi ostale" dobijem grčeve od smijeha   :Laughing:  , ali sad mi je porod ipak favorit.

aj što volim pythonovce!

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Poznavala sam jednu djevojku koja je imala u kraljeznici ugradjenu neku metalnu plocicu i svi su ju zezali da ne smije prolaziti kroz detektore metala jer bi poludili od pinganja. I tako je dobila nadimak Pingalica... i SVI su ju, osim roditelja, tako zvali...

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## Luna Rocco

Također sam gledala film po milijunti put i ovaj put mi taj dio nije bio nimalo smiješan, već jako tužan...
Btw baš sam se pozvala na taj film na topicu o Sanji i onda vidim ovaj topic.  :Grin:

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## Frida

Kao da je sniman u nekom našem rodilištu! Sad but true...

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